Michael (lonelygayguy) wrote,
Michael
lonelygayguy

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They Didn't Get Rid of the Pretzels!

6:00pm. So I'm sitting here, in an airplane from Columbus, Ohio, to DFW. I went to Columbus yesterday to visit my grandmother today, 'cause she's in the hospital, 'cause she had another heart attack, in addition to the stroke earlier this year. And now I'm flying back, and I was sitting here peacefully listening to "Heavens Dead" by Audioslave, and I suddenly got a huge urge to write in LJ. And, obviously, since I don't have access to LJ at the current moment, I decided to just type in Microsoft Word and copy&paste it in LJ later.

(I.) In any case, one thing I've noticed about myself that's really quite strange, is that, whenever I travel anymore, (that is, whenever I fly), I always get really sad, almost to the point of depression, a few hours before the flight. And I have absolutely no idea why. Obviously it's something I wish wouldn't happen, but I think it sorta stems from (and just saying this obviously contradicts my comment of not having any clue as to why this happens, but oh well) earlier this year, in the Spring semester, when I came home almost every weekend for a time, because I was so depressed and such. And I was used to feeling depressed all the time, and I felt depressed every time I flew, 'cause that's why I was flying. And it's really quite annoying and unhappy, but I suppose I'll deal.

So, the reason I isolated myself from the world was because Matt picked the other guy. If I haven't explained it yet, Matt is a guy I like, but he likes both me and another guy, and he ended up picking this other guy… three days ago, I think. But then I talked to him last night, for one hour, fifty-four minutes and thirteen seconds, on the phone. That's an extremely fucking long time. But we discussed a lot, and had some really in-depth conversation, and I came out of the conversation extraordinarily happier than I was going into it. This is partially because we sorta decided together that a good thing for him to try out would be to have an open relationship, rather than a single boyfriend. Because it's too much stress for him that way, and it's also too stressful having to decide between both of us, and this way he can pick me. =) Which makes me extremely happy, once again. I don't really know what I'm saying right now, I'm just kinda rambling on. Actually, because I'm just rambling on, and because I'm in a rambling-on mood right now, I think it'd be best if I just stop typing right now, and just go back to enjoying my music for the last few minutes before the captain tells the flight attendants to "prepare for landing." Ta. (10) 6:10pm (3)
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  • 1 comment
  • Sorry to hear about your grandmother. I hope she gets better. It was nice of you to visit her and give her some comfort.

  • I'm the opposite when I fly - I get panic attacks! Can't be depressed and panicked at the same time!

  • Matt sounds like he wants more than one relationship at a time. Got to be good looking cause he's so hard to see (- The Beatles). Matt might not pan out, but I wish you the best.