Michael (lonelygayguy) wrote,
Michael
lonelygayguy

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I Decide It, and Then Ben Goes and Does It

(I.) So I'm up at 9:30 in the morning, from yesterday still, and I think I'm finally gonna sit down and type out as much as I can remember (/want to) about what's gone on in my life since... oh, say, spring break to the present.

Really the only thing I ever think about anymore when I think about last semester is how utterly depressed I was for two-and-a-half months, and Gabe. I just skimmed my entries since January, and I didn't see anything about Gabe, so even if I talked about him, I'm gonna just assume I didn't and start from there. So... Gabe was another January scholar, like me, but we never hung out in the fall. He ended up being in my Calc III class, and we started eating lunch at Subway every day, and become pretty damn good friends. According to him, we hung out more than he hung out with anyone else that semester. When the depression started kicking in, I started annoying him, at least a little bit, I'm pretty sure. And it got worse and worse and worse, until it got worst. One night, when I was having an anxiety attack (I'm pretty sure I've discussed how I see the difference between those and panic attacks before), I was talking to Gabe outside his dorm, and I sorta screamed out that I liked him. Which is understandable, if you know me, since I have a thing for straight guys. And he was weirded out, as always. But he said he wouldn't let it affect our friendship adversely. The depression continued to get worse, and I started being a general asshole to him, only caring about making myself feel better (which again is understandable in a way, since I desperately wanted out of my all-consuming depression). Things ended not unbelievably well between us, and I was really really unhappy going away from him. To be honest with myself, I probably fell in love with him. He would be the second, after the infamous Danny. Recently, we were talking online, and, long story short, he essentially said that our relationship is kinda forever fucked up, 'cause I did some terrible things last semester. Plus the whole me-liking-him thing freaked him out, I know. So I am not feeling happy about this currently.

I'm a waiter this summer at a family-owned Italian restaurant called Bari's, through which I am making acceptable money. It's a significantly better and less depressing job than Souper Salad was last summer and fall.

I've recently met two guys on FaceBook that are freshman at a summer program at my school. Both gay, both at least relatively attractive, both into me (as much as one can be over the internet). There is sexual and relationship potential with both of these guys, and -- get this -- I actually have to choose between two guys. Who would have ever thought that would happen? But yeah, I'm sorta looking forward to going back to school now, with the potential for happiness arising.

I was second in line for Star Wars, having gotten there at 6:30 in the morning the day before it opened, which was fun. Batman Begins was an unbelievable movie, with Christian Bale being a perfect Batman, and proving once again that Christopher Nolan is unable to make a movie that isn't at least really good.

I am extremely excited with the impending release of the sixth Harry Potter book.

I really really think I'm borderline. For reasons that I'm not in the mood to discuss at this moment.

I can't think of anything else at the moment... (18)
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